Bring me the head of Simon Cowell!

Man. I’ve been waiting ages for someone to finally post a pic of today’s great thing on-line so that I could share the joy with you. I first saw it on television a couple of months ago. I’ve been scouring the Internet ever since looking for an image that I could use to depict the otherwise indescribable brilliance. I’ve had this blog entry sitting in my files in ‘draft’ status since my witness to its glory. I knew, deep down, that I could rely on the ‘internets’ to one day help me in my quest to bring this to the masses (or at least the people that read my blog.  Hi Mom!). At last, that day has come. I have located photographic evidence of one of the most magnificent artistic achievements of the last one hundred, if not one thousand, years.

Best friends!

I only wish that I had more than these couple of photographs to share. Perhaps some kind soul will post a video of its unveiling on Youtube. If that blessed day should ever arrive, you can count on me updating this post.

58.  Simon Cowell’s Papier Mache Head

The artwork made it’s debut in the audition stages of the television program X-Factor. The show is to Britain what American Idol is to America…some of the same producers and all. There are some format differences–this show breaks contestants into four categories:  men, women, over 25’s, and groups, but basically, it’s a singing talent search and show. Well, in the always-entertaining (and sometimes cruel) audition stages of the show, one contestant, Russell Baines, brought with him a homemade effigy of Simon Cowell’s head.  Apparently, he’s a fan.

They finish each other's sentences...
They finish each other's sentences.

One of my favorite details of the whole event is that Russell was carrying the head around with him in a plastic bag.  Macabre!

His skin tone looks a bit boiled red, but overall, I think the likeness is there.  The flat-top hair, for instance, is perfect.  In a more recent episode, Russell was invited by the show to bring on likenesses of all the X-Factor judges.  I don’t have a pic yet, but here’s a pic of the judges.

Trust me, the photographic evidence, when I eventually find it, will be worth the wait.  It was the best thing about the show that night.  I have a renewed appreciation for local arts and crafts.


Russell J. Baines has most kindly sent me this youtube clip featuring the segments.  Hats off to Russell!  Thanks for helping me to complete this blog entry.  I can’t believe this day has finally come.  See folks, I spent so long looking for what I needed…leaving a half completed idea in my blog drafts while the X-Factor dwindled into it’s final weeks…the cultural relevance of the moment passing me by and for what?  The moral is, you can’t just wait for it to come along.  You gotta make the universe know what you need.  You have to put it out there!  Because maybe, if you’re lucky, someone will read your blog and give it to you.

X-Factor and papier mache enthusiasts take note, Russell has also provided in the comments section, a link to his excellent facebook page that offers more details about his experience on the show and a fantastic album of sculpted heads.  Without further ado…the footage:

(or…a link to the footage at least!)

Watch and believe!

8 responses to “Bring me the head of Simon Cowell!”

  1. I tried to make your strange American casserole and it gave me botulism and made me incredibly fat. Litigation will follow…….
    I do agree that Simon Cowell’s title of ‘talent spotter’ is ironic at best and blasphemous at worst. I’ve tried to spot some talent on him and I couldn’t find a trace. The famous George Bernard Shaw line “those that can do and those that can’t teach” seems appropriate for him a vague and ambiguous manner.
    My usual razor-sharp contribution has been blunted by the terrible bout of food poisoning but, rest assured, once I’m back to full strength I’ll be coming to get ya. For now I’ll leave justice in the hands of my lawyers………

  2. thanks for the lovely article……it was really nice to see that someone really enjoyed the whole simon head in a bad bit. Basically i had no intention of making the head until the show producers begged me to……so in the end i said yes……i figured if i went down in flames with the singing at least i would have a polite way of making fun of simon…..i’m not exactly a fan of the man but after meeting with him and realising he had a sense of humour about it all i kinda like him now…..he’s well very down to earth i will gladly send you pics of the models and also show you the link on youtube…….hope it made you laugh…….it was nice to get a bit of comical revenge on them……..all the best for christmas and new year your friend Russell.

    • Russell, you are ace! Thanks for reading the post. Your head-sculpt was my fave moment of this series. I’d love to see pics of the sculpt and video. I couldn’t believe that no one had other pics posted for me to swipe and enjoy! Happy Holidays!

    • Dude, I’m not so sure what to think. I mean, does America need both Idol AND X-Factor? I’m not convinced.

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