I try not to get too political in this blog. It’s not that I don’t care about the state we’re in or about current events. Far from it! I watch my fair share of BBC news and check the New York Times regularly for my daily dose of pain. It’s just that it’s not really the purpose of this blog. This blog is my happy space. This is where I like to talk about what’s right with the world and not so much what’s wrong with it. But, sometimes you can’t help but let those little influences creep in a bit. For instance, today I was reading an article about one of Sarah Palin’s hobbies, shooting wolves from airplanes. I don’t have a problem with shooting things from airplanes. Heck, I play video games. But, usually, I like to shoot things like zombies or aliens. You know…things that have it coming. Wolves…not so much. I can’t imagine why you’d ever want to shoot one. Well, maybe if it had you at gunpoint and wanted your wallet. Otherwise, I’m coming up empty.
So, today, we’re going to celebrate the sheer awesomeness of:
35. The Wolf
Wolves are the perfect animal for nerds like me. They’re wild like stallions but, as they are featured so prevalently in fairy tales, they also have a mythic edge…like a unicorn! A wolf emblazoned tee shirt is a tried and true indicator of geekdom. Check out this bad boy:
Whosoever wears this item of clothing is doomed to lead a solitary existance, residing in their Mom’s basement with Cheeto-crusted fingertips and a full collection of Star Trek episodes on VHS. Truly destined to become the ‘lone wolf’ that they always dreamt of being.
Seriously, people that wear these types of tees are usually into role-playing (the many-sided die and fighting pretend dragons type of role-playing, not the adult/sexy kind) and perhaps stayed in scouting long enough to achieve “eagle” status. They are citizens of the all encompassing nerd nation that I pledge allegiance to, but they go to different conventions.
Wolves are also the type of animal that most of us soo soo soo wished that we could have as a pet. They’re close enough to dog–like the badass cousin of a German Shepherd– that one can sometimes be misled into thinking that it’s actually a good idea–it probably isn’t. But still, imagine having your own wolf. It’d be like having a super-hero as your best friend! Or like having a dinosaur as your partner, much like Whoopi Goldberg in the 1995 film Theodore Rex , wherein, her detective character enters an alternate reality and is paired up to fight crime with a real life dinosaur! They’re both kick ass carnivores that can intimidate the crap out of anyone who dares make fun of your cheap haircut. It’d be a real insurance card for the geek set.
Wolves are ice age survivors, unlike those giant hairy wusses, Wooly Mammoths. An inspiration throughout the ages. Here’s an impressive list of just some of the rock bands out there right now that have ‘wolf’ somewhere in their names: Wolf Parade, Wolf Eyes, We are Wolves, Wolfmother, Guitar Wolf, Steppenwolf, Wolf, and yes, Los Lobos. That’s a lot of wolves!!!
Wolves also act as the muse for many an automobile art enthusiast. If you see an airbrushed van, chances are there’s gonna be a wolf somewhere on that metallic mural. This pic below is from a sports car and not a van…but you get the gist.
For more wolf merch opportunities, check out this website:
Here’s a site that’s all for spreading the good word about how completely rad wolves are. Education!
In closing, if you see a wolf, do us all a favor and don’t shoot it. Because the world is a cooler place with them in it. Keep our nerds in tee-shirts, America! Now, watch this video of an idiot poking a stick at an alpha male.